Today is my birthday. It is very early in the morning. My house is dark and still. The sun will not rise for almost another hour. Four of the people I love most are upstairs in my home...which feels much more like a home when they are all in it. They are still sleeping, anxiously waking up to prepare for the day, or in prayer. My dog is nestled beside me on the sofa. The light from my laptop illuminates my face. My grandmother calls. She makes me cry. She always makes me cry. She does not know that. I am happy.
Some spend New Year's Eve as a time to reflect on what their experiences have meant to them, but I have always favored my birthday as the perfect time for looking back on the past year of my life. There is just something about the thought of the day that I took my first breath that stirs up something in my overly imaginative brain. I imagine the look on my mother's face when she finally got to hold her daughter. I imagine my dad with an unfading smile. I imagine my brother being excited and confused when he finally got to meet me. These are the made up memories I think I'll keep forever.
This birthday feels different to me. I am so thankful for life. The support system that I have in my family (both in blood and bond), friends, and even co-workers blows my mind every day. My own strength at times has the power to take my breath away. The storage capacity of both my mind and my heart amazes me daily. Wonderful notions indeed, but what makes today so different?
Perhaps it is different because I have reached a place where I actually have a connection with my Self. What does that even mean? How could I not have a connection with myself after all these years? Well, I like to think that a realization of Self is something that takes time. This time differs from person to person, but happens the very moment you become aware of your true Self. You know who you are, what you stand for, what your purpose is, what you like, what you don't like, what you will accept, what you will not accept, and what matters most to you. You fall deeper in love with everything that makes you uniquely you. This is where I am. I love it here.
Happy Birthday, Me.